Sunday, January 25, 2009

Shorter Scott Burnside

Hmmm, I need one more "thing" to cover in my illustrious 5 Things column. Oh, I know: the Thrashers. They're always easy to write about, because I can use the Field Manual to Hockey-Writing Clichés in ways I wouldn't normally get away with. Or perhaps I don't even need the Field Manual to Hockey-Writing Clichés; I can just cut and paste clippings of other articles about the Thrashers and arrange some kind of coherent collage.

First, something about how Kovalchuk is inevitably, assuredly going to leave. Who cares if this doesn't exactly sqaure with the empirical evidence we have? Then something unpredictable and daring and contrarian about how Todd White would be a better captain than Kovalchuk. Then something about how illogical this all is. No sir, nothing logical at all about the Thrashers making their best and most charismatic player captain. Makes no sense whatsofuckingever.

1. By, characteristic of, or designating routine or commercial writing: hack prose.
2. Hackneyed; banal.Phrasal Verb:
hack out Informal
To produce (written material, for example), especially hastily or routinely: hacked out a weekly column.

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