Sunday, February 1, 2009

Universal Football

A response to Morty below that got too long for the response section. Please read his post first.

Morty, there is only one kind of football. The other game is soccer. And it is a game, not a sport. It is the passtime of peoples whose ancestors perfected the art of surrender and cowardice, thus clinging to a sport where running away and pretending to be injured are the primary skill sets.

While hockey is by far my favorite sport, I love football. Yes, it is overly commercialized, yes it is not as tough as hockey, and yes it is not as fast paced as hockey. But neither is Clint Black as exciting as Garth Brooks, but we can still appreciate him for his own greatness.

Now, this is NFL football. The organization is superior, but the product is inferior to college football. If the NCAA Div IA ever switches to a tournament system, there won't be any need for pro football anymore as far as I am concerned.

That being said, this is turning out to be one of the best Super Bowl matchups in recent memory. Yes, last year was a great game, but I detested both teams. This year I am a big fan of both QB's, if not the entire team, and we have a heck of a barn burner going here with 2:24 to go in the 4th.

And hell, we all need something to take our minds off of the Thrashers losing streak.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Our readers who come from any place on the planet Earth aside from the large stretch of land north of the Rio Grande and south of the Arctic Circle (apparently there are a few of you, if Google Analytics is any indication) must take Razor in good fun. Every blog needs its resident ultra-nationalist, right?
-M. Peacock


Mortimer Peacock said...

I'll concede your point about this being a good match-up, especially since the Cardinals seem to be pulling an upset all of a sudden.

But soccer being a sport of people who perfected cowardice and surrender? When was the last time Great Britain surrendered? Or Brazil? Are the German and Italian teams terminal pussies because their countries surrendered in WWII? Would you have preferred they ACHIEVED their objectives?

Mortimer Peacock said...

UPDATE: What a doozy. The Steelers HAVE won.

One more thing about the surrender monkeys from the World. It could be argued, actually, that Italy didn't surrender at all at the end of WWII, seeing as how the Italian people turned on Mussolini in a big way and killed him and stuff.

Also: what was the last war in which Spain surrendered? The Spanish-American War? You're telling me that you, as a red-blooded American, would rather the dastardly Europeans still controlled Cuba instead of...oh yeah, that's right.

FrenchCatalogues said...

The thing is, I get a bit irritated when I hear someone bash soccer. It is a fine fine sport. It was my childhood and was the most fun I had playing a sport. Sure players can exaggerate being hurt. So can hockey players mind you. Hockey is a more aggressive sport, but just because it is tougher doesn't that give you any right to put down this amazing sport.

To win the World Cup is truly an amazing thing. Sure, you aren't half dead at the end of it like the Stanley Cup. But neither are you at the end of Wimbledon, which is the greatest tournament in human history in my opinion. To be a futbol player you have to fit. Along with hockey and tennis, it is one of the most physically demanding sports.

I never understood the sentiment against soccer or futbol because it is similar to hockey. The reason I got hockey quicker was because of my days of playing. I understood the rules better and appreciating good play making abilities.

Also, Razor, I dare you to go to North London around Arsenal or to a bunch of Man City fans and say the comment about the people being cowardice. There probably hasn't been a sport that has prompted more violence in its time.

Also, Latin America history is plagued with bad news, so it's not the greatest example. Cuba isn't a great soccer team either.

FrenchCatalogues said...

Also no comments about Zidane. I'm tired of hearing it. He was great.

My dream would to make the Gillette commercial Federer, Henry, and Kovy instead anyways. Class all around.

Mortimer Peacock said...


I second all of that. 3 more points:

1. The whole "Soccer players exaggerate injuries and act like drama queens" meme is so overdone, and such a cliche. Occasionally the Italian national team engages in silly hysterics, but for God's sake it's not that widespread.

2. I think a lot of North American hockey fans are afraid to admit the similarities between soccer and hockey. Because that would make them queer Euros, or something.

3. In addition to the thing about North London, you have to wonder how Zinedine Zidane would make Razor's "you're all a bunch of surrender coward faggot monkey non-Americans."

Zidane=the Kovalchuk of soccer, in my opinion.

Mortimer Peacock said...

"Make meaning "take."

FrenchCatalogues said...

Also, when haven't Italians exaggerated about anything? That's why we love them. Well I do at least. Fun over the top people.

Side note: That Byrds record with Gram Parsons on it damn good. He lived in Waycross when he was little. Crazy eh?

Mortimer Peacock said...

Okay, one more thing and I'll shut up.


Re: the Cuba not being a good team thing.

You'd think Razor would approve of Cuba, and therefore the Cuban soccer team, because Cuba is a brave and robust non-cowardly, non-surrendering small country (a lot like a mirror image Israel, really) that's stood up to Yankee militarism and imperialism for decades. I mean, why doesn't he like Cuba? They don't back down like those pussy Europeans.

FrenchCatalogues said...

One last thing, people that don't watch hockey might think the primary asset is to be good in fights and hit hard. We all know that is not true obviously. Skill, skill, skill, that's what it takes to be good usually in most sports.

Hey did everybody see that photo of Michael Phelps smoking pot? Anyone shocked? He's a pretty calm guy.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Anyone who thinks that Michael Phelps has "ruined his career" or is Setting a Bad Example to Our Nation's Youth needs to be shot.

FrenchCatalogues said...

It's more of relief that he can do that and still be the best. See, doesn't break focus or concentration.

Anonymous said...

Personally, I prefer Aussie Rules Football; a lot more contact, but without the padding.

Razor Catch Prey said...

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it appears I touched a nerve. I never was that good at Operation.

First, Monsieur, I actually have expressed my opinion on this matter in London and on British television. Channel 4, I believe it was. The Brits didn't take nearly the umbrage that you and Morty have. Indeed I have even held an interesting discussion on my theory about contact sports coming from hardier peopled civilizations and non contact sports coming from, well, Europe with some other Brits in Bath during an England world cup game.

I actually consider the Brits to be among those hardier people, which explains their inventions of rugby, Gaelic football, and hurling. Canadians invented hockey. South Americans invented jai ali which evolved into lacrosse. I can't think of any sports that the Russians invented, though I know there must be some, but I do know that they have taken to hockey quite well. I hear there are even a couple of them in the NHL playing respectably.

I respect your love for tennis. It seems like it would be a lot of fun to play, though I'd never be physically capable of it (except on the Wii). But it just isn't interesting to me to watch, personally.

Oh, and I have no idea who the funny named soccer player is you keep referring to, but I'm pretty sure I could take him.

Ok, one last point. Over exaggeration isn't why I like the Italians. It's over-use of garlic.

Hmm. Come to think of it, there could also be a correlation between the quality of a society's food and the level of violence in their sports. The French and Italians aren't into hockey, rugby, or football, but have great food. British and Slavic nations love contact sports and eat food that gets them laughed at. But then how would we explain Texans love of football and hockey?

FrenchCatalogues said...

Didn't the French beat the Irish in Rugby when you were in Dublin Morty? I thought the French were alright at Rugby. The Italians just like futbol and racing. I can't really blame them though.

The Brits are like you and me, Razor. There are as diverse as us. The places I was speaking are the equivalent as to go to places like South Boston or the Bronx. You wouldn't go to either talking bad about either one's baseball teams. Granted if you go to somewhere like Chelsea or Mayfair, more than likely nothing bad will happen. Well, in Chelsea they might, but they'll be Russian Mobsters. We've all seen Eastern Promises I'm sure. Man, that Viggo is rough bastard.

The places I was speaking of in London and elsewhere are not the normal places the tourists or really anybody go to because, it's not the most pleasant side of town so to speak.

Mortimer Peacock said...

The French team DID indeed humiliate the Irish team when I was in Dublin, Monsieur.

They're pretty good at rugby, and excellent at the Football.