Saturday, February 7, 2009

What is to be done about the man who potrays Ron Hainsey for the Chronicle?

Your Chronicle has been inundated with emails, phone calls, text messages, letters, and carrier pigeons demanding us to take an official editorial position on Christian Bale's awesomely profane outburst on the set of the newest Terminator movie.

Everyone knows the Chronicle employs Christian Bale to play Ron Hainsey--or more precisely, we employ Christian Bale to play Ron Hainsey as Patrick Bateman--and we have a special interest in declaring whether we'll stand by our Hollywood employee or ditch him like so many cereal companies tossing out a bong-hitting Olympian.

I can't make this an official editorial position, as I'm sure the other three scribes, and most of humanity, probably think Bale is a barking lunatic and beneath contempt. I'm not so sure. He seems to have a bit of a temper, sure, but I'm not entirely certain that it's unjustifiable to fly off the handle when your DP is constantly walking into the shot during a particularly intense, emotional scene (by all accounts that's exactly what the situation was). I know you'll all cry "Pretentious prima donna art fag, Truck Nutz, mumble mumble, where are my Cheetoes?" but seriously: I've seen comparable (and justified) behavior on the sets of bad amateur plays. However insufferable an actor might be, when they're working on a scene--especially an emotionally taxing one--they need to be left alone until the director says Cut. Especially if the actor in question is a pretty good one. Which Christian Bale is. Otherwise we wouldn't have hired him.

I'll stand by you, Bateman.

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