Saturday, April 25, 2009

Explanation! Crypto-Zoology Unmasks Source of Erik Christensen Suckage

Good afternoon, Chroniclites.

I wish I could say this is a Chronicle exclusive, but I have a most interesting piece of reading for you, this time from that Bloomingdale's to our Zara, the Falconer.

Remember shootout behemoth and tragic head-case Erik Christensen? The guy that lived with the Thrashers for a while then got traded to Anaheim, where he now inexplicably has a job centering Teemu Selanne on the Ducks' second line? The guy that the Chronicle, because we were possessed by Peasant-Demons of Naivete, believed at one time might be a legitimate first-line center for Kovalchuk?

Well, science has determined why he can't shoot the puck into the net, ever. His poor play with the Thrashers has to do with the crazy ownership situation here in Atlanta! Why didn't I think of this when wondering why he couldn't finish on those magnificent passes from Ilya Kovalchuk?! The detrimental effects of the Atlanta Spirit's legal drama are far-reaching, apparently: it's also the reason why he didn't play well in Pittsburgh and isn't playing well now in Anaheim.

Please, Atlanta Spirit. Sort this out. Think of Erik Christensen!

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