Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Al Qaeda to Come for Your Thrashers, Except Maybe Not...Ah, Who the Hell Knows?
Serious stuff, people. CNN is all like:
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The Department of Homeland Security and FBI have issued security bulletins to raise awareness regarding "terrorist interest" in attacking sports and entertainment venues as well as luxury hotels.
Sports venues! Don't the Atlanta Thrashers, and indeed most hockey teams, play in a sports venue of some sort? Where's my Catherine wheel?!
The bulletins, which were sent to law enforcement Monday, said that authorities did not know of any credible or specific terrorist plots to attack U.S. stadiums, arenas or luxury hotels.
Oh, good. Places like the Garden, the Staples Center, HP Pavilion, Philips Arena and other sports venues will be attacked, probably, except they won't, because no one can detect any specific operations against sports venues. This sounds like an especially devious mind-warfare tactic. I think we need to get the Short Handed Mole on the case.
Best way to raise your own awareness of terrorist threats against Philips and the adjoining CNN Center food court? If you see anyone terroristicy-looking at tonight's game against the Predators, waterboard them with Gorin's beer. I myself have never trusted giant bearded TV feller Wolf Blitzer. What kind of terroristic name is "Blitzer" anyway?