Wednesday, October 14, 2009

This Just In

(updated quite a bit below)

Roenick Donuts

Toronto area residents already steeped in a malaise inspired by the Maple Leafs' 0-5-1 start, were further saddened today to learn that a beloved local restaurant chain would be fleeing the Great White North for greener pastures in the American sun-belt.

Tim Horton's will be expanding throughout the Southeastern United States. The franchise will open fifty stores throughout the Carolinas, Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas, Arkansas, and Oklahoma. The restaurant serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner items and is well known for "Timbits" doughnut holes and high quality blueberry muffins.

The move will coincide with the closing of all Tim Horton's locations within the province of Ontario.

To appeal to the new market, the franchise is renaming it's restaurants after an American born hockey player. Jeremy Roenick has been chosen for the honor. "I can't wait to offer my input on what to rename the Timbits" an enthusiastic Roenick was heard to say.

copyright Aaron

Editor's note: Photoshop contest now. Send in your finest Jeremy Roenick + Tim Horton's photoshops and we'll post the most rib-tickling among them. -MP


Razor Catch Prey said...

Morty- can you help me out with a picture to go with this?

Big Shooter said...

Sweet Bruce Willis!! Is this true?

Daculafan said...

Hey buddy..this is the best news I've heard in a long time

I betcha he names the Timbits.."Myballs"

aaron said...

I cannot wait to get my hands on a steaming bowl of Timgrits.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Razor- Done. As you can probably see.

aaron said...

you beat me.

and yours is the better photo.

Mortimer Peacock said...

I can't express how wonderful a detail is the Don-Cherry-gazing-ominously-from-the-window.

aaron said...

I'm all about some subtleties, man.