Monday, June 16, 2008

Official Editorial Positions

The official editorial position of the Blueland Chronicle is that the Thrashers must draft Zach Bogosian.

The official editorial position of the Blueland Chronicle is that the Thrashers must make Ilya Kovalchuk captain next year. It should be noted, however, that the 'C' on his jersey will stand for 'Czar.'

The official editorial position of the Blueland Chronicle is that Slava Kozlov will awaken from his slumber next season.

The official editorial position of the Blueland Chronicle is that the Thrashers are in a uncomfortable period of their history much like similar periods in the histories of--to give only recent examples--teams like the Tampa Bay Lightning, Carolina Hurricanes, Washington Capitals, and Pittsburgh Penguins. Ahistorical and alarmist talk about the inevitability of a) the Czar leaving for another team when his contract runs out or b) the Thrashers being sold off to new owners and relocated to another city, probably in Canada, is not only ignorant of the realities of the NHL but tedious and time-wasting. The bright sparks that comment at the AJC blog and the message boards should really drop their collective self-pity: the NHL is wildly unpredictable, and teams go through phases, sometimes long and sometimes short, of glory or mediocrity or outright awfulness. Free cupcakes to anyone who can tell us where Ovechkin and the Caps ranked at the end of the 2006-07 season. We'll add free cookie cake for anyone who can tell us how many Stanley Cups the Caps have won throughout their history. We'll add a wave pool for anyone who can tell us the same about the St. Louis Blues.

The official editorial position of the Blueland Chronicle is that the Thrashers must sign Brooks Orpik.

The official editorial position of the Blueland Chronicle is that Erik Christensen is a highly interesting hockey player who will flourish as Kovalchuk's center as long as he's schooled properly. We suggest a front line of Kovalchuk-Christensen-Kozlov for next year.

The official editorial position of the Blueland Chronicle is that Angelo Esposito and Ondrej Pavelec are excellent prospects either to use or trade away for first-rate NHL talent.

The official editorial position of the Blueland Chronicle is that Tobias Enstrom will become one of the league's elite defensemen.

The official editorial position of the Blueland Chronicle is wordless delight that Moose has been re-signed.

The official editorial position of the Blueland Chronicle is that Kari Lehtonen is a fine goalie whose numbers will finally reflect his talent when we have a decent defense. Fuck any and all naysayers.

The official editorial position of the Blueland Chronicle is that the Thrashers will do well next season.

3 comments:

Maali said...

God I love you.

06-07: 27th of 30
# of Cups for DC: 0
# of Cups for STL: 0 I think.

Also... MOOSE! TWO MORE YEARS! TWO MORE YEARS!

Fuck all naysayers fuhreals.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Sorry to be so late with this, but YES, you are correct. Now where should I ship that wave pool?

Maali said...

I'll meet you behind Kari's porsche up in Duluth.