Friday, April 25, 2008

Liveblog! New York Rangers vs. Pittsburgh Penguins, Game One

7:03 PM- Darren Elliot's on the TV screen. Sidney Crosby is doing that thing where he looks directly into the camera after answering a question; this makes me uncomfortable.

7:04 PM- Darren and the other guy are talking about Chris Drury. What a dude.

7:07 PM- No special guest goalie commentator alongside Keith Jones and company. I liked Manny Legace during the first week of the playoffs. Rick di Pietro had some kind of problem with turning away from the camera; maybe he wanted us all to see his perfect profile.

7:10 PM- First Ryan Miller commercial of the night. First Dockers "California Soul" as well.

7:11 PM- Hossa gets a big cheer from the Pens fans. The crowd at Pittsburgh is all white and stuff. Puck drops!

7:13 PM- Jagr shoves Gonchar into the boards, Pens get a power play mad early.

7:16 PM- Nothing came of that power play. I think one Staal brother just clobbered the other one.

7:17 PM- Pittsburgh soundsystem superior to Philips Arena. We need a better music selection.

7:18 PM- Van Halen has to be the most popular sports arena music selection. If it's not "Unchained" it's "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love." I'd like to see David Lee Roth play hockey.

7:20 PM- Malkin is a badass.

7:22 PM- Pizza's arrived. Must take a break. Unless something happens.

7:35 PM- Something happens. Rangers score on a powerplay; something tells me this series won't be as easy for the Pens as the one against the Senators. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH Hossa nearly had a goal. Not to be. Lundquist.

7:57 PM- My God I LOVE that Geico commercial with the race car-driving kid. It's nearly Wes Anderson-esque.

8:00 PM- There's no way that guy in the Rogaine commercial actually uses Rogaine. False advertising, I say.

8:06 PM- Sean Avery gets a little close to Fleury. He-----RANGERS SCORE AGAIN. And they're playing "Some Guys Have All the Fun!" Genius. Bitch about the goal, though.

8:09 PM- The goal was Chris Drury's. And what a goal; he basically met the puck in mid-air and swatted it in.

8:10 PM- Georges Laraque is a tiger resting its snout on its paws.

8:11 PM- Are you reading DW? SIGN BROOKS ORPIK!

8:12 PM- SEAN AVERY SCORES! This has to be particularly irritating for the Pens fans. Much as I dislike Avery, he's played very well this season. Hats off. Grudgingly.

8:13 PM- Laraque update: The tiger snarls but doesn't pounce. Or does he? He skates to the box.

8:19 PM- Gotta hand it to them Rangers. They're playing pretty damn well. Darren Elliot just explained to me what makes their play so effective. I agree with Darren about almost everything (the Kari-Goes-Ballistic incident is a notable exception). Jesus Sean Avery has such a punchable face.

8:21 PM- Ruutu, who I hate almost as much as I hate Avery, maybe more, scores a goal. Glad the Pens have scored...but did it have to that Kovy-crippling bastard? GOAL! WHO?



Rangers 3, Penguins 2.

8:24 PM- The Pens seem to have shaken off their nine-day nap. The crowd is certainly back in it.

8:29 PM- It is my wish that Ruutu and Avery get into a scuffle and kill each other. Not BY fighting, understand. Instead I wish their mutual obnoxiousness will just create an Obnoxiousness Fire that will consume both of them. Or maybe a hole in the ice opens beneath them and they fall into the jaws of a killer whale.

8:37 PM- Sidney Crosby is an excellent penalty-drawing actor.

8:42 PM- Penguins don't tie it just yet. Second period over. Ho hum. Great game!

9:06 PM- HOSSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:07 PM- It's tied, kids. I think Hossa somehow inserted a goal-seeking magnet into the puck. Lovely goal. That kills everyone's suspicions that Hossa disappears in the playoffs.

9:08 PM- PETER SYKORAAAAAAAA!! Pens ahead by 1! Huzzah.

9:13 PM- "Yuh got man versus animal. It don't git no realer than that."

9:16 PM- Pittsburgh crowd singing along with Blitzkrieg Bop. I wish the Thrashers crowd would do likewise. Or do they? I can't remember.

9:17 PM- Fuckeditit. Gomez fires a fucking javelin for the Rangers. 4-4.

9:19 PM- Darren Elliot talks an awful lot about rhythm. What is he, the POPE?

9:20 PM- The other commentator dude breaks to a commercial with "4-4 New York." What the fuck?

9:21 PM- I agree with Darren about this rhythm business, by the way. The Pens have lost theirs for the moment, and the Rangers are just thrusting away. It's useful to think of hockey in terms of offensive "rhythm."

9:22 PM- Van Hagar-era shit on the soundsystem.

9:30 PM- Pens get a power play with three minutes and twelve seconds to go. Do it now! Hives on the soundsystem.

9:31 PM- Gonchar, Crosby, Malkin, Malone, Hossa on the power play. Between them they SHOULD score.


9:33 PM- Ranger dicklings want the play reviewed. Pens crowd not happy. Chanting rude things about Lundquist.

9:35 PM- Goal officially credited to Crosby. Malkin just had a front row seat.

9:36 PM- One minute. There's one minute remaining in the period.

Stoppage. Queens of the Stone Age's best song on the soundsystem. Jesus, now it's Cottoneye Joe.

9:37 PM- More Cottoneye Joe. Play resumes. Frantic. Was Lundquist left the net? YES he has.

9:38 PM- Goal credited to Malkin now. Five seconds. GAME OVER! PENS WIN! Fuck you Rangers! Blur's "Song 2" closes it out.

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