Thursday, July 30, 2009

A Modest Proposal

A Vision

So I'm driving across rain-swoggled roads during the Lunch Hour (the Chronicle always gives its employees at least enough time for a bottle of chardonnay) and listening to the radio machine. Wasn't in the mood for avant-gardist college radio, NPR is boring as hell, the resurrected 99x wasn't pleasing me and sounded much like it did in 1999, and needless to say the sages of AM are way over my head, and everything else is outright terrible, so I decided to listen to sports radio, which I almost never do outside of hockey season. 680 The Fan, if you must know.

Everyone's talking about the Michael Vick.

It was exciting, listening to people call in from all different corners of the Metro Atlanta Kingdom to express passionately-held, usually well-thought out opinions about where the famed dog-murderer might end up, whether he should be allowed back into the NFL at all, etc. I dream of the Thrashers someday drawing such controversy.

Anyway, I'm not here to express my opinion on whether Mike Vick should be allowed back into the Football*, but to make a modest proposal:

Presumably there are plenty of NFL teams that want Vick, but his game might be a little bit rusty after, what, 2 years in the pen. How to sharpen up his skills and get him back into NFL mode?

While we're asking questions, let me ask another one: How can the Thrashers improve their brand and draw more consumers?

We're in the business of killing 2 birds with 1 stone here at the Chronicle.

I think it should be obvious to everyone by now that the Thrashers should sign Michael Vick to a 1-year contract. Since his throwing and running skills might be restricted a bit by the hockey format, we can simply stick him on the 3rd line or even cast him as a bottom-pairing defenseman. He won't have to do too much work, but he'll get enough exercise and conditioning to get him back into NFL-ready shape, and the Thrashers will draw fans like mad. Probably even get in the papers.

Who's with me?

*I love dogs, especially my own small yellow-furred Labradorian companion, and I think Michael Vick is a hell-monster for what he did. But he's been to federal prison, and when you've been to federal prison, you've been to federal prison. No need to punish him further by keeping him out of the NFL. He's really good, too.


Big Shooter said...

I agree with your opinion of Vick. What he did was disgusting. You harm animals, children, or the elderly... then you really don't deserve anything nice at all, and probably will rot in hell. Those three groups really don't have the ablility to defend themselves, to take advantage of them is just sick.

That said he served his time, he should be allowed to earn a living. Just so happens his living is in the NFL. I do think the NFL has the right to suspend him, which I believe they have done.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Is Dick Cheney considered "elderly?" If so, that's one well-defended old man.