Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Top 10 Best Kovalchuk Trade Scenarios, Plausible and Implausible, Ranked Without Commentary

1. To Pittsburgh: Ilya Kovalchuk
To Atlanta: Evgeni Malkin

2. To Chicago: Ilya Kovalchuk, Todd White, Anssi Salmela
To Atlanta: Kris Versteeg, Patrick Sharp, Cam Barker

3. To Los Angeles: Ilya Kovalchuk, Pavel Kubina
To Atlanta: Alexander Frolov, Brayden Schenn, a 1st round pick, Jack Johnson

4. To San Jose: Ilya Kovalchuk, Anssi Salmela
At Atlanta: Devin Setoguchi, 1st round pick, Marc-Edouard Vlasic

5. To Boston: Ilya Kovalchuk, Anssi Salmela
To Atlanta: Dennis Wideman, 1st round picks, Blake Wheeler

6. To Philadelphia: Ilya Kovalchuk, Colby Armstrong
To Atlanta: Jeff Carter, Scott Hartnell

7. To Dallas: Ilya Kovalchuk
To Atlanta: James Neal OR Loui Eriksson, 1st round picks for like 3 years

8. To Vancouver: Ilya Kovalchuk, Anssi Salmela
To Atlanta: Christian Ehrhoff, 1st round pick, Mason Raymond

9. To Toronto: Ilya Kovalchuk
To Atlanta: the rights to the ghosts of everyone in the Hall of Fame on Yonge Street.

10. To Montreal: Ilya Kovalchuk
To Atlanta: Montreal (the city, not the team)


j_barty_party said...

Isn't Jeff Carter the one screwing Hartnell's wife??

Perhaps not the best situation to trade into, n'est-ce pas??

Mortimer Peacock said...

Oh yeah I forgot about that. Is that, you know, actually true?

All I'll say is Hartnell's wife if smoking hot, and Hartnell is Hartnell, and J.C. isn't a bad-looking dude.

Mutton Sourdough said...

*knock knock* "I'm here for the gang bang."

Mortimer Peacock said...

Actually, let me revise my earlier opinion. Jeff Carter is actually hella goofy-looking. He's just not as goofy-looking as Scott Hartnell.

GoPuckYourself said...

To Anaheim--Czar & Colby
To Atlanta--Perry, Ryan, & Sbisa

Yes please!

Mortimer Peacock said...

Ooooh that would be a good one. I actually don't think Ryan is out of the question.

GoPuckYourself said...

As long as we fetch a random similar to this, I'll be content.


GoPuckYourself said...

Erm...that should read "ransom". Whoops.

j_barty_party said...

I think Boston could be the most interested party as they are desperate for scoring and have the picks and players to give up. Also, it would free up precious cap space as well.

BOS - Kovy, Salmela & Army

ATL - Wideman, Wheeler, TOR's # 1 in 2010 and some chowdah!

Mortimer Peacock said...

This is such a clusterfuck.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe that Pittsburgh would trade their best player for what may turn out to be a rental.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Well, no, of course not. It's totally implausible but it's at least thinkable. Kovy goes to a proven Cup-winning team (likely to sign and not just be a rental), Crosby gets a very elite winger, Malkin gets to be the main star on a different team.

Anonymous said...

Malkin??? Yeah, he might be good for the short term, but anyone think HE would re-sign with this or-gan-i-zation?? Fuccccckkkk NO!




Kovy-soon to be gone

Little, Bogo, Kane and every other player with decent talent, gone so fast it'll make your head spin.


Jay said...

Quite honestly, I think a Kovy for Malkin deal makes sense for both. Crosby is the face of the Pens, plus I would think that they could just move Staal up to the second line. They could then turn around and sign Kovalchuk with what Malkin was making. Kovalchuk would have the equivalent to a hockey orgasm everynight playing on the same line as Crosby. This deal is improbable, but not impossible. Or they could just send us Staal, picks, and whatever else we didn't get in the Hossa trade. The Atlanta Thrashers: Where making the Penguins Champions is our goal!

Razor Catch Prey said...

To New York: Czar and Pavs
To Atlanta: Drury, King Henry, and the Staal Who Doesn't Have a Stanley Cup Ring Yet

swegs said...

9 and 10 made me giggle....erm....chuckle i mean.