Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Ilya Kovalchuk Lacks Focus (or Something), Sez Bobby Holik

Remember Bobby Holik, the very effective third-line center that Don Waddell paid an inordinate amount of money to play for the Thrashers (often as a top-line center), directly resulting in Marc Savard's departure for greener pastures and higher pay?

Well, the man has something important to say, and said it on Hockey Night in Canada Radio the other day.

The hockey Internet, in particular the Thrashers hockey Internet, is particularly fascinated by what Holik had to say about Ilya Kovalchuk. In summary: Kovy is a fine person and highly gifted player but is often late, lacks focus, and is probably not the guy to build a team around/choose to rally your team with motivational speeches.

So this proves once and for all that Kovalchuk is History's Worst Hockey Player, and should be imprisoned for hurting everyone's fee-fee's.

Damien Cox of the Toronto Star, rubbing himself in Hyperbole and Overstatement Oil, had this to say:

What were the New Jersey Devils thinking with Ilya Kovalchuk?


The Devils, quite clearly, thought they were buying a stable, established family man, along with a 40-50 goal shooter for the next decade.

They didn’t think they were buying a problem man-child.

Yes, Damien, Ilya Kovalchuk is a "problem man-child" because he was late to a few team meetings. He's no longer a family man and his numerous 40-50 goal campaigns have ceased to exist, as if by black Ruskie magic. Wait, what?

That may be a bit of an exaggeration. Then again, it may not be at all. All we know is what the Devils and Kovalchuk have told the hockey world, and that’s nothing. Squat.

So you're admitting that you don't know anything. Fine. So why all the furious word-masturbation about how horrible Ilya Kovalchuk is?

ANYWAY, Bobby Holik was a pretty useless captain, and one of the great fuck-up's of our organization was to hire him for a pile of money that could have been spent on that Savard fella (who played very well with Kovalsuck). The things that might have been...

AND IN CONCLUSION: Team meetings are pretty fucking boring anyway.


Big Shooter said...

Say what you want about Holik, but the man is a great interview! Bottom line, you have to show up early for team meetings and practice. If you don't, you will probably sit.

Now then. Thrasher fans need to take a HUGE breath and just relax, and dare I say MOVE ON in regards to our former Czar. He was by far my favorite Thrasher, probably always will be. But good Lord people, he plays for the Devils now. It shouldn't bother you that much. It's quite funny to read some of the comments on other blogs.

The fact the Thrashers have always sucked really had nothing to do with Kovy and his 'horrible' defense. BTW, didn't have anything to do with his 40-50 goals EVERY year either. Guess what, the fact that the Devils are off to a bad start doesn't have that much to do with him either.

The man wanted to play somewhere else, wasn't exactly forthright about it, but let's be honest... sometimes in business you can't be forthright about everything. If you don't understand that you are just plain stupid.

Move. On.

Anonymous said...

Ron Hainsey can attest to that last statement.

j_barty_party said...

I haven't been truly forthright I must admit. I have ALWAYS admired your Ilya Kovalchuk body pillow! Not just recently. There, now I can breathe easy again!

Bobby is a funny guy who speaks with a funny voice. And who played on that top line with him when he was playing top line minutes? Brad Larsen and JP Vigier!! GUFFAW.

Now, can we return to the evisceration of Bryan Little? I say we burn his overflowing curly coiffe in effigy!

Mortimer Peacock said...

I believe it was Ilya Kovalchuk and Chris Thorburn a lot of the time. Sometimes Kovy and Mark Recchi. Earlier it could be Kovy and Scott Mellanby, or Kovy and Jon Simm. Those were the days.

I like Bryan Little (even more than my Ilya Kovalchuk body pillow, hur hur hur, so GHEY to admire a talented player, fagz all), but I'm beginning to wonder if his offensive skillz were a Slava Kozlov Production way back when.

j_barty_party said...

Tis' all in good fun, but I was actually referring more to Shooter and his big body pilla! LOL

We all know that you keep your "gay for Kovy" stuff in the closet! Chuckle, chuckle. B-Litts is starting to resemble Todd White in that nauseating "why the fuck can't you score anymore" sort o' way...sigh. The Thrashers are such bitter sorrow...hardly even bittersweet anymore.

I do recall a few Holik top line experiments, but he was too valuable as a 3rd line F/O man in the defensive zone to waste playing offense! ;-) I certainly recall that famed Kovy-Sister Christensen-Thorbs line. They were almost as good as Montreal's fabled GAG line! Cuz they gagged all over the place in front of open nets created by Kovy's individual efforts.

Okay, that's it, I'm never talking about Ilya Kovalchuk again! ;-)

Mortimer Peacock said...

DOWN WITH GOOD FUN. I was hoping for some Internet blood-letting over Ilya Kovalchuk's honor.

I know it's still early in the season, but the Thrashers have gotten to the point where I almost don't enjoy watching them. That last Tampa game was unbelievably boring; there was no atmosphere or buzz in the arena at all. And on a Friday night! Just sad.

I'm not sure why I'm complaining, though, as this blog predicted such things.

Big Shooter said...

You know what the Thrashers need, someone that just got out of the Marine Corps. They've got the right mindset. We'd win that truck for sure then.

In the end, there can only be one.

Daculafan said...

The only thing about Kovy and "if" he missed or was late to a meeting is this...I only make in the neighborhood of 50k a year and I'm EXPECTED to make meetings and appointments on time. This guy makes exponentially more than most real people...for that kind of money as an employer your ass better be where I tell you...when I tell you.

Big Shooter said...

You are exactly right, Daculafan. And it's good to see you on the internet, alive and all.

Anonymous said...

Whatever happened to the Beyonce-loving Jason Williams, I ASK!?!? THAT is the question.

Anonymous said...

PS: Morty, can you find out how I can get my hands on some of that hyperbole and overstatement oil? My elbows are getting dry and winter's on the way.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Oh, the things I could say here...

I get my Hyperbole and Overstatement Oil from my expert hairdresser. I'll ask about an elbow version.

What DID become of Jason Williams? My assumption: he went away to film "Harold and Kumar 3."

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