Wednesday, June 9, 2010

LiveBlogging Game 6, Cajun Style: 1st Period

8:03- Pierre McGuire talking to Chris Pronger. Two odd-looking people. Pronger is wearing a suit, and looks not unlike a very large Danish schoolboy.

8:06- Oh hey it's Marian Hossa with a bushy, tangled beard. I hear he calls himself the "Bratislavan Bear." Just FYI, folks.

8:08- I miss Hossa. Will tonight finally be his night (not that he's done A TON in this post-season)?

8:10- Television, check. Spectacles, check. Peroni, check. Hey, y'all all realize how excellent Publix subs are, right? I mean, they're really good! Good bread, good turkey, good spicy mustard.

8:11- Wha-what the fuck? I just heard the unmistakable voice of Snoop Dogg and looked up in baffled wonder, only to see a very bearded Daniel Briere walking down the sidewalk, in a suit and tie. This experience has made me realize just how good a retro-70's exploitation film starring Danny Briere would be. "He keeps his pimp hand Quebecois and strong," the posters will say.

8:15- "God Bless America" still going on. Was this Irving Berlin? Or did he do that "America the Beautiful" thing? Let's ask Google.

8:16- YES, it turns out Irving Berlin DID want his G-d to bless America.

8:17- And we're off! Blackhawks going stone cold nuts right off the draw. Philadelphia fans, as ever, are loud and into it. If Chicago wins tonight, will they survive the inevitable mass projectile vomiting?

8:20- Well now they're just all "awwwww imma ice it."

8:21- Blackhawks going stone cold nuts in front of the Flyers net. But you can all see this, as it's on TeeVee, right? THAT'S why you know it. That or you're currently absorbed in the Puck Daddy live chat with its fancy auto-update software and/or HTML monkey business.

8:25- My nominee for the Conn Smythe trophy? Duncan Keith for Chicago, though there's something deep within me that says Danny Briere deserves to win whether Philly wins or not. I could say the exact same for Chris Pronger, but I won't, because he's Chris Pronger.

8:28- Philadelphia seems to wresting control to some extent. Except, no, they're not. Toews has got something going on and PENALTY ON THE FLYERS. Is this when the kids snort their "power play" powder?

8:30- Got to hand it to Wyshynski: "If Hossa scores in a game that ends with him holding the Stanley Cup, will the sun explode?" To which the answer is NO, of course not, but Saturn might, because of the Terrorism.

8:37- Joel Quenneville looking stern as the Flyers start their power play.

8:38- Real life text message I just received from Big Shooter: "I once, in person, applauded the Cup as the Red Wings skated it around my favorite team's ice. It's what you are supposed to do, even if you lose." I'm guessing this was 1998, not 2008.

8:41- Shooter also informs me that security measures are in place if the Blackhawks win tonight. No projectile vomit will reach its target.

8:42- There's been a weird symmetry between the Flyers and the Blackhawks this post-season. For example: Ville Leino = Patrick Sharp. Discuss.

8:43- SHARP. That's another man ZOMG CHICAGO SCORES BYFUGLIEN! Right at the net, right into the end.

8:44- And now a penalty on Chicago. Seabrook to the box.

8:45- Chicago. City of broad shoulders, city of Augie March and Moses Herzog, city of Bueller and Frye. And the Blackhawks aren't there! And they might win the Cup tonight! Do they suffer from what Baudelaire called "horreur du domicile" or something? Your editor does.

8:49- WHO WOULDA THUNK IT HARTNELL SCORES UH GOAL. The play was set up by Briere. Conn Smythe now? Immediate induction into the Hall of Fame? I think so.

8:54- How is it that I'm still on my first Peroni? What a disgrace. As it's intermission, Jeremy Roenick is on TeeVee just going mental. JR is explaining something about "fatigue." Mike Milbury is talking about "jobs" or something like that. Hockey is supposed to be an escape from the horrors of the Great Recession, Mike! A little less Grapes of Wrath and more My Man Godfrey, please?

8:58- Speaking of...


9:00- MORE HOSSA MELODRAMA. You have to fill the intermission TeeVee somehow, I guess. Will he do it? Won't he? All I know for certain is that JR's suit and purple shirt is, as Big Shooter described it via text, "majestic." Mike Milbury can't hold a candle.

9:03- I don't get that commercial where the camera is panning around some messy bedroom while the Nazi boyfriend from The Sound of Music sings that "You Are Sixteen, Going On Seventeen" song. Oh wait, the room is supposed to BELONG to a 16-year-old? Mad.

9:06- I just glanced at the Puck Daddy live chat and everyone is complaining about how Don Cherry is loud. That and super macho tough guy jive like "YOU EVER TAKEN AN ELBOW WYSH? YEAH I BET NAUGHT"

Let's now MOVE to a new 2nd period live a-bloggin'.


GoPuckYourself said...

Alright, now that the formalities are out the the way...when is somebody gonna get tased? Pick up your game, Philly.

Mortimer Peacock said...

YES. I actually wouldn't be against a mass tasering of Philadelphia.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Patrick Kane, also. That boy could use a good tasering.

GoPuckYourself said...

LeBrun referred to the Philly arena as the "Orange Bowl." However, with the World Cup FINALLY approaching, I've renamed the arena the "Oranje Bowl" in full hope of jinxing the Flyers the same way the Dutch are jinxed.