(updated quite a bit below)
Toronto area residents already steeped in a malaise inspired by the Maple Leafs' 0-5-1 start, were further saddened today to learn that a beloved local restaurant chain would be fleeing the Great White North for greener pastures in the American sun-belt.
Tim Horton's will be expanding throughout the Southeastern United States. The franchise will open fifty stores throughout the Carolinas, Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas, Arkansas, and Oklahoma. The restaurant serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner items and is well known for "Timbits" doughnut holes and high quality blueberry muffins.
The move will coincide with the closing of all Tim Horton's locations within the province of Ontario.
To appeal to the new market, the franchise is renaming it's restaurants after an American born hockey player. Jeremy Roenick has been chosen for the honor. "I can't wait to offer my input on what to rename the Timbits" an enthusiastic Roenick was heard to say.
Editor's note: Photoshop contest now. Send in your finest Jeremy Roenick + Tim Horton's photoshops and we'll post the most rib-tickling among them. firstname.lastname@example.org -MP