Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Scene 1

Ten Gallon Dick and the Russian

A film by Mortimer Hussein Peacock

Written by the Blueland Chronicle Staff and Commenters

(Scene: One of those very bright but deathly cold mornings you get in the American West, especially around this time of year. Stark and barren desert---rocks, cacti, some sagebrush, the hint of a coyote---with mountains in the near distance, full of evergreen trees shaggy with snow that’s fallen in the night. A sense of expansive calm. Long deep-focus shot of a train moving through the desert, a single plume of black smoke coming up from the smokestack. Cut to interior of train. A lanky man with large eyes and long blonde hair sits, fumbles with his pocket-watch, and stares wonderingly out the window. He wears a bowler hat, dark blue waistcoat, and round spectacles. He doesn’t look like he’s from around here. A tall man in a white shirt with black vest, topped in a black hat, walks into the train car. He’s carrying a suitcase with one arm; his overcoat is draped over the other. He sits down across from the blond-haired fellow.)


Headed to Thrasherville?


Well...well, yes. How’d you know?


I got on this morning back at Leafburg. Business has sent me to Thrasherville, and I hear you’re, well----you are Maxim Afinogenov, aren’t you?


The very same.


I’m Pavel. From what I know, you need friends in Thrasherville. We should stick---

(Squealing of wheels as the train shutters and grinds in an effort to stop. Maxim starts to talk even in the midst of the train slowing down so ungracefully)


(shouting above the din, holding on to his suitcase) I’ve been told life is relatively easy in Thrasherville. As far as the newer boom towns go, it’s been a bust so far, but maybe the lack of expectations there means that----


What?! Can’t hear you.


Nothing! Forget it. Say, where are you from, exactly?




What country are you from? (on the last word, the noise and the train both stop)




Ah, Bohemia! Czechs and Slovaks. Wencelsas Square, Good King Wencelsas. The Charles Bridge over the Vlata! The Baroque and the Renaissance! Alchemists and astrologers and rabbis with their golems. The coasts of Bohemia! Shakespeare talks about those in The Winter’s Tale.


There aren’t any coasts in Bohemia.


Oh, I know. Poetic license and all that. I merely enjoy quoting literature, even if I am only a hockey player.


What’s a hockey player?


I’m not sure. Just thinking out loud. At any rate, I come from Russia. I’ve been a prospector here in America for some years now. Had a decent business near Niagara Falls for a few years, but fell on hard times recently. At one point I was even thinking of heading back to Russia. Imagine that!


(in disbelief) Really?


I know it’s shameful. Land of the Czars and their prisons! I thought about going back, but then I got an offer from...


(leans forward, knowingly) The Russian in Thrasherville?


(whispering) If by “the Russian in Thrasherville,” you mean him, then yes, absolutely.


I know who you’re talking about. He’s already a mythic figure. One time I heard he---

(at this point, Pavel is distracted by the opening of the train car door and the entrance of a huge man in leather gear and fur hat. He looks like a fur-trapper from up north. Pavel seems to recognize him)




(looks at new tall fellow, looks at Pavel) You know this man?

(cut to....


More tomorrow. And much more after that.


Rawhide said...

Dammit Morty!!! You started the movie before I could get my popcorn and soda!

krisabelle said...

I can't wait til they saunter in to Miss Kitty's House of Western Delights! I hope Marg Helgenberger is in your script.

Very enjoyable, keep up the good work! (o';'o)

Big Shooter said...

I have goose bumps after reading that. Or shall I say, Moose bumps...

Mr. Speaker said...

A bespectacled, large-eyed man with blonde locks named Maxim! I can so totally picture him in glasses and western garb including a bowler hat. I love it...this is, and will be, pure fantastical genius. Genius I say!

Anonymous said...

Awesome! I'm saving this for tomorrow morning at work.

Razor Catch Prey said...

Well, I was going to do a game day post, but there's no way I'm bumping this!

Daculafan said...

Already awesome...keep'm coming...I love the old serials..this is going to be good.

Rawhide said...

Damn this is great!!! Hey guys...I stepped out and got a box of Junior Mints and Dots.

Anyone care for some?

Krisabelle, Mr. Speaker...nice tans.

Big Shooter said...


Anonymous said...

This is great, it made my morning. Now what am I supposed to do with the other 7 hours and 45 minutes of my work day?

A2B said...

I wish we could all has this astounding creativity... Its brilliant. When do we pitch this to WB for a full feature film?

j_barty_party said...

If Marg Helgenberger isn't available to play Miss Kitty, I bet Stephanie Blank has a bit of free time in her sked to help out a local, burgeoning film production outfit. She's a strawberry blonde just the same and she must get bored while Arthur is playing golf, closing deals and running his foundation.

Damn fog / rain! Get the hell out of here so I can sip beer on the beach...damn it all to hell.

Look forward to the next scene with baited anticipation!