Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Why Does Anyone Take This Smug Earnest Fucktard Seriously?

Late to this, but thanks to Aaron the Outsider (only recently returned from his sabbatical chopping down oaks and turning them into guitars) in the comments, I've come across this filth from some pedant in Minnesota.

It's a list of the Top 10 Best and Worst Fan Bases in the NHL (even though it's not, really; it's actually a ranking of all the teams' fan bases). Wyshynski has already trashed it, which is exactly what this shit deserves, and, well...

This Derek Felska character made the same list last year; somehow it came to my attention and I wrote this:

I'm not really interested in where Atlanta ranks (#26) or where anyone else ranks, for that matter. What interests and appalls me is that commentators like Derek Felska (Minnesotan's name) talk about fan attendance and "hockey markets" in a vacuum, as if there are no external factors that influence fan turn-out or local press coverage...

But there's hope, hockey fans. You see, I've heard about this new invention called the Internet, and I'm aware there's a serious market for hockey coverage thereabouts. I suggest you look into it.

Which brings us to what really riles me about Felska's piece this time around:

#30 - Atlanta Thrashers - 9.2

Pct. of Capacity in 2008-09: 78.8% (14,626, 29th in the NHL) Online Presence: 3.2

Last Year's Rank: 26th

Justification: I am going to share a little story with you which will might explain why the Atlanta Thrashers are deserving of being called the league's worst fans. Just this spring, I went down Georgia as part of an Educators Tour to Ft. Benning. On our way back, we were given the day to enjoy downtown Atlanta. While there I went into a sports apparrel shop, which was filled with all sorts of Atlanta sports team clothing; Braves jerseys, Falcons jerseys, and some college football jerseys yet nowhere to be found was anything pertaining to the Thrashers. I asked the attendant, "Do you have any Atlanta Thrashers stuff" and I was met with a confused look and then a quick question to her co-worker, "Do we have any Thrashers stuff?" A few seconds later they pointed me to the only two items they had pertaining to the the Thrashers along with an explaination of how extremely rare it is anyone is looking for their merchandise. Now does that mean that there are almost no Thrashers fans out there? No, but in the larger scheme of things there does not appear to be too many. In a Southern city where its almost a challenge to find someone with a southern drawl, it might surprise people just how many Atlanta residents are people who used to live in areas which are quite familiar with snow and ice. The Thrashers online presence is very small and that does little to help a team that many in Atlanta seem to struggle to remember they are even there. That sound you just heard was Ilya Kovalchuk screaming over the fact he has at least one more season with the team.

Haw haw. In what fucking universe can the Thrashers' online presence be considered small?

What's really fucking amazing about this Felska character is that he freely admits to not really investigating team blogs and forums to get an adequate idea of "online presence" (follow the link and read his comments about last year's Dead Last Fans, those of the New Jersey Devils), but he trusts his arbitrary pseudo-scientific reasoning so perfectly that he can't be bothered to adapt his opinions when he encounters new facts.

One more thing: for a guy who fancies himself a thorough and comprehensive hockey mind, his writing, in style and thought, is fucking atrocious.

Perhaps in some way I was inspired by David Letterman's Top 10 list, but I can't stand his show with his lists being the one redeeming quality of it. I know I've used that concept for a few post-season banquet speeches at the conclusion of a sports season and admittedly its a very effective delivery style. Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers) and Garth Algar (Dana Carvey) of Wayne's World fame used to also utilize their Top 10 lists and just like the shootout I can't pry myself away until its over. Hopefully 30 thru 11 has you captivated much the same way. While some hockey purists hate the shootout, how many of them shut the TV off during the shootout? Precisely. They don't, they watch with perhaps just slightly less interest than those who either have embraced it or the very least accepted it as a way to conclude a regular season game. Before I go too far off on a tangent about the shootout I will redirect this back to the main point of this series.

Is there really a definitive way to determine whose fans are the best?

In all honesty, I don't really believe there is.

This is really beyond commentary, so I'll just stick to matters of taste: This dude hates David Letterman but actually enjoys the Top 10 list. I repeat: he hates David Letterman but actually enjoys the Top 10 list.

I rest my case.


Andrew said...

Where was he in downtown Atlanta that he went to a "sports apparrel' store? As I work downtown, across the street from CNN, I can only think of two "sports apparrel" stores. The Atlanta Braves Store and the Philips Arena Team store. So if he wandered into the Braves store, sure, not much Thrashers gear. The name of the store sort of gives a hint that it's filled with Braves merchandise. Philips Arena on the other hand, pretty much all Thrashers and Hawks. I don't know where else this guy could have been in "downtown" Atlanta. A Fubu store?

Daculafan said...

Wow make my blog on this same article look like I'm a be honest...didn't read past his entry on the Thrashers...but I do agree that there hasn't been a ton of press turn out for us...90% of the hockey media coverage in this city is probably bloggers like ourselves

That will change this year when we go deep into the playoffs though

Wayne stuck in AL said...

Problem was this writer went into DOWNTOWN ATLANTA which was more into the Braves, Falcons, Hawks, AND MICHAEL VICK. Too bad he didn't go to North Fulton or Cobb County...

Mortimer Peacock said...

Andrew, Daculafan, Wayne-

What makes my head explode about this guy is that he pretends he's developed some sort of foolproof scientific system for determining which teams have good and bad fan bases and openly admits he's basing this stuff on a stupid anecdote about him walking around downtown ATL.

And downtown ATL, last time I checked, is where the Thrashers play and where, as Andrew mentions, the Philips Arena store is.

Plus, this dude used the word "utilize" in a sentence about fucking Wayne and Garth. That ought be illegal.

Speaker of Truth said...

Just another ignorant rube with too much time on his hands!

Wow, BC "operative" now...that is quite empowering to say the least. I pledge to take my sleuthing responsibilities seriously and work feverishly to bring you more juicy nuggets of info!

Mr. Speaker

Mortimer Peacock said...

One other thing.


You're right that most Thrashers fan do, I guess, live in North Fulton or Cobb (though not, alas, any of the Chronicle staff) but I'd be willing to bet that you'd actually have an even harder time finding Thrashers gear in Cobb County than in downtown. The fact is that there are A LOT of metro Atlantans interested in the Thrashers, but they're a relative minority everywhere.

In Cobb and North Fulton, for instance, the whiteys are into the Bulldogs, Bulldogs, and Bulldogs instead of the Braves, Hawks, Falcons, and MICHAEL VICK.

Wayne stuck in AL said...

I was thinking more of the season-ticket base; I conveniently forgot about Buckhead and Virginia-Highland. (It's been a year-and-a-half since I last set foot in town.)

FrenchCatalogues said...

Downtown is not a place to enjoy a nice day of shopping personally. I spend four days of the week making my way across the eastern to central parts of downtown. People go downtown these days for a few things: sports, work, aquarium, school, hard rock and so on. To say I go to downtown for kicks would be a lie. I do recommend anyone to walk through Woodruff Park in the day.

I can just tell you the hockey market of Atlanta does not exist there. It's scattered all over this damn metropolis. This writer, if he did any research, would realize that this would be as valid as going to Skid Row in downtown LA looking for a Dustin Brown jersey.


I don't see any Michael Vick anything anymore in downtown. They pretty much took that stuff away immediately something happened. Airtran took down those billboards and things to that matter. The merch went down as well.

Wayne stuck in AL said...

BTW: I like Letterman's Top 10 list as well; I can't stand Letterman otherwise...

(For me, late night TV died when both Carson and Arsenio went off the air within months of each other in 1992.)

BTW2: The Hard Rock is STILL open downtown???

Razor Catch Prey said...

I see people wearing Vick jerseys and occasionally see one in a store, but that's it. There may well be more in the downtown stores because that's where the folks who are upset that the Falcons drafted Matt Ryan live.

I also like Letterman's top 10 and don't like the rest of his show. He's too liberal and doesn't appreciate country music. That said, I don't watch any of the other late night folks either. At that time of night I'm either asleep, playing Xbox, or watching NCIS reruns on USA.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Who's upset that the Falcons drafted Matt Ryan? I've never heard any human being complain about Matt Ryan.

Also: you know, it's funny. The only people I've ever encountered who approve or disapprove of art and entertainment (like late night comedy) on real or imagined political grounds are 1) Communists and other fringe lefties, and 2) Republicans like RCP.

Wayne stuck in AL said...

"Who's upset that the Falcons drafted Matt Ryan? I've never heard any human being complain about Matt Ryan."

You can if you go to Stone Mountain, West Atlanta, or Vine City area, or listen to 790 The Zone in the early afternoon.

"Also: you know, it's funny. The only people I've ever encountered who approve or disapprove of art and entertainment (like late night comedy) on real or imagined political grounds are 1) Communists and other fringe lefties, and 2) Republicans like RCP."

I don't like the way Letterman treated Bill O'Reilly; lately, I've hated BillO', but when you have a guest (in your home, on your show), you treat them with some respect.

(In a similar vein, has anyone ever noticed neither Olbermann nor Beck have on anyone who disagree with them?)