Thursday, February 4, 2010

Words and Phrases I Could Do Without (On the Hockey Internet, At Least)

- "Character guys"

- "Good pieces"

- "Good core"

- "We need to be more like ________"

- "___________ is literally the reason the Thrashers have always sucked."

- "Enigmatic"

- "Go to the net"

- "FRAUD," or any variant thereof

- "I know this because I've played high school baseball/beer league hockey/seen a hockey game, etc." (not a common phrase, of course, but a very common sentiment that gets re-stated in various ways fairly often in the world of irate keyboard-pounders)

- "I'LL NEVER GO TO ANOTHER GAME!!!1!!1!!!11!!!"

-"I could score 50 goals a year if I only played on one side of the ice"

- "REAL FANS"

- "Something to build on"

Time for a good cleansing purge, I think.

56 comments:

Big Shooter said...

Very well said. Hey, I bought one of them twitter machines this morning so I can keep up with all that tweetin.

Yes, the Kovy saga made me join the twitter. I am sad.

aaron said...

For my blood pressure, I've had to stay off any and all message boards.


shooter -your new twitter machine: pull-start or electric? i'm looking for one myself.

FrenchCatalogues said...

I already made 50 goals staying at one end of the ice.

Mr. Speaker said...

What's wrong with "go to the net"?

That's something this team certainly doesn't do enough of? Or do you prefer lame-ass, errant passes backwards towards the blueline or cross ice through the high-slot to a man that is not there...or Boris Valabik?

I would settle for a "good corps d'esprit" rather than "good core"...good core sounds like what a porn actress likes in her spare time when she's not gettin' the hard core. Okay, that was lame.

Razor Catch Prey said...

Audio of Kovy's media scrum today. Good stuff: http://thrashers.nhl.com/club/podcastplayer.htm?pid=392&iid=19905

Razor Catch Prey said...

"The feeling is you still want to be a Thrasher. Does there a come a point where you tell Jay Grossman ... just take the offer on the table?"

"... it has to be a deal that is good for everybody, not just for one side."

Mortimer Peacock said...

Mr. Speaker-

My problem with "go to the net" is that, much like "get pucks on net" and "play good now, ya hear?", it's mind-numbingly obvious. Of course going to the net, in real life, is a good thing.

It's also one symptom of something I get really bored with: easy cliches about good ol' grinders (always North American) who may not have the most finesse and skill but by Gawd they get results vs. effete Europeans who may be skilled and do all them fancy passes but THEY'RE SO SELFISH AND NOT TEAM PLAYERS. It's a cheap and easy generality, and it's countered by so many specific examples.

Big Shooter said...

Razor - I just heard the interview. The part you left out... he also said, "the deal has to be good for everybody, not just one side. I've got a wife and three kids".

Could have done without that. $101 million is enough for a wife and three kids to live on. I'm not saying he shouldn't expect as much money as he can possibly get (and as you know, I would give him what he wants), but when the offer is north of $100 million don't act like your financial security is at risk.

FrenchCatalogues said...

Dude he has to make sure St. Tropez is a lock for eternity.

Mortimer Peacock said...

WITHOUT $101 MILLION THE KOVALCHUK CHILDREN WILL STARVE IN THE FROSTY ATLANTA NIGHT.

FrenchCatalogues said...

Fuck this horse face shit house

Big Shooter said...

This is why I hate agents. This entire year you can tell Kovy has been coached what to say when asked about the contract. The comment he made about his kids was obivously a nervous slip-up, but it just shows a real disconnect from actual people, who wear actual people clothes.

Just get on with it so I can pretend this whole thing never happened.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Budgeting, people! Put on your accountant visors.

OK, he needs a house in Atlanta, a penthouse apartment in Moscow, a villa in St. Tropez, a Jag, a Maserati, and a sober, sensible Mercedes. Education for all three heirs will cost a lot of money, presumably, as will hiring Lil Jon to produce Nicole's next album.

Someone who's more adept at numbers than I should add up the costs and see what's what. Otherwise, Ilya will become a Dickensian orphan who steals pocketwatches.

FrenchCatalogues said...

I don't care about his kids.

FrenchCatalogues said...

Or anyone elses

Big Shooter said...

WHY YOU HATE MAH KIDZ?????

Mortimer Peacock said...

I bet Kovy doesn't go around showing everyone PICTURES of his kids, at least. We can be thankful for that.

FrenchCatalogues said...

Because they're assholes

FrenchCatalogues said...

This is worse than Lars Ulrich and Napster

Big Shooter said...

Well, they take after their Mama, Unis. God rest her soul. She got the killed that time we went to the pumpkin launchin contest for Thanksgivin.

Mortimer Peacock said...

You heard it here first, folks: Kovy's kids are the reason the Thrashers will eat shit in the night forever.

FrenchCatalogues said...

His kids are Jay Grossman, it's very incestuous.



I'm sure Kovy's kids are little trotsky angels

Mortimer Peacock said...

His kids are also Jay Grossman. Kovy is Jay Grossman's real father. Jay Grossman commanded the Red Army at Kronstadt and had sex with Frida Kahlo.

FrenchCatalogues said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SHRFhfeLgY

Mutton Sourdough said...

Here's my deal with that wife & kids bi'ness.

If it's about money and being able to provide for them, even Darren Fucking McCarty could live COMFORTABLY off nigh to 10 million per year. And he might even have some left over for life after hockey. So if it's about money, that shit aint gonna fly with the common fans. As was said, real people who wear real people clothes.

HowEVER..... It could be that he wants them to have security of location. Maybe he doesn't want to move them around the continent. If he was getting at his desire to give his family real and firm roots so that they could grow up in one place, or even less than three places, I really respect that.

But apparently it hasn't been about locational security enough for him to put his I.K. on the line as of yet...

GoPuckYourself said...

Kovy and Latrell Sprewell--seperated at birth.

I'm still waiting for a "we talkin' bout practice!" moment from Kovy before his ass gets traded.

Big Shooter said...

Come on, Mutton! You know we don't like ACTUAL sanity around here!!

Mr. Speaker said...

You guys are killin' me with this stuff! ROTFLMAO, but I hate to be cliche. Morty would hate me if I did that! ;-)

Morty - you know what is worse than the mind-numbingly obvious?? It's a team that doesn't do the things that just about all NHL teams do consistently because THEY ARE MIND-NUMBINGLY OBVIOUS. If the Thrashers' players would make smarter plays more often, there would be less angst about the results. You can't fault a team as much for trying hard and playing the right way. And it's not just our Euros, players like Todd White, Colby Armstrong and even Bryan Little are making bone-headed plays that don't help the team get the puck deep and keep it there for any length of time.

Anyways, it no matter. Fuck Kovy's kids and tell his wife she can't have LA...no way, no how!

Mortimer Peacock said...

To pull back from delirium and be serious for a moment, YES MUTTON, I think you've pinned the tail on the donkey. A great point.

The kids statement is probably less about endless amounts of money than about, as you say, "security of location." The man's built a huge house in Buckhead, he wants to stay in ATL, but he's not convinced that the Thrashers aren't going to be sold off to someone in Kansas City or Las Vegas. He doesn't want to put roots down in Atlanta only to have his entire family moved in 5 years or so. He wants geographic security. YES INDEED.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Mr. Speaker-

Yes, the Thrashers are mind-numbing. And I didn't mean to imply that you believe the cliches about Euros vs. N. Americans.

Everything about this team is a dull pain in the ass.

FrenchCatalogues said...

I think he is more worried that Atlanta, the physical city, is going to move. He wakes up in cold sweats thinking "My God, this is not my home, this is not my beautiful wife! How'd I get here?...."

GoPuckYourself said...

WTF? Moments of sanity and clarity?

Never coming here again. You guys have lost the plot.

I'll go crunch numbers with The Falconer instead. That's a good time right there.

Big Shooter said...

Keep in mind sanity and clarity was brought forth by one of our readers. NEVER by a member of the Chronicle. Never.

FrenchCatalogues said...

This Kovy situation is just like that part in Total Recall

Big Shooter said...

Man, now I'm afraid the city of Atlanta is going to move. Does that mean I move with it, or I'm replaced by the city that moves to Atlanta.

I'm hoping for Vancouver, but with my luck we'll be replaced with Upper Dildo, Canada (a real place by the way).

FrenchCatalogues said...

Tim Gleason, did you hear?

FrenchCatalogues said...

Team america, not kovy

GoPuckYourself said...

I'll take your word for it, Shooter. Not gonna be Googling the phrase "upper dildo" anytime soon.

Mr. Speaker said...

Mort - no offense taken. I know you know where I stand and how I feel. And I respect you and the Chronicle staff (well almost all of them since I've never met the drunk, imprisoned Mole guy) beyond belief. I just don't want another reader who hasn't yet met my miserable, bourbon-swillin' ass to get the wrong impression...I would hate to be mis-represented like Kovy in the media...ha, now that's funny. If he thinks that media scrum was bad, wait till his answering questions in Canada about why he didn't move off the blueline when his team was trapped in their zone and up a goal.

Why do u hate MAH KIDZ?? Priceless.

I'm still guffawing lustily.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Upper Dildo. Wow.

I hope Atlanta moves to the Dalmatian Coast or Barcelona.

FrenchCatalogues said...

I just moved Atlanta, we're going to Funkytown

h said...

he's worried the franchise won't be here for the 10-11 years? Well boo f-ing hoo!! Oh no, he may have to commute for the few months of the year or god forbid fly his family up for a weekend...how will the little Kovys survive......I'm ill. Just how in the hell is 101 million not a good deal for him.....is it the most he could get? maybe not, but it IS a good deal and saying anything else is truly dishonest.....I may have to burn my jersey....ugh

Mr. Speaker said...

Wow, didn't think it could get any better and now we have Upper Dildo from a God-fearin' man like Shooter. Then again, why is a guy named Shooter talkin' bout dildos?

We talkin' bout dildos??

Mortimer Peacock said...

Also, GPY-

Wouldn't you love to hear the "practice" speech with a Russian accent?

FrenchCatalogues said...

I once saw an Upper Dildo, that damn Sasquatch ran off with it

Big Shooter said...

I went to Upper Dildo once... didn't like it. Didn't feel like the right vibe. Heeeeyyyyoooooohhhhhhh!!

And with that, total and complete delirium has set in and I take my leave.

FrenchCatalogues said...

I think that it all makes sense somewhere. Just start pulling phrases and the answer is in there somewhere

GoPuckYourself said...

Morty--That'd be an all-time win. "We'ze speak of pracktice. Nyet ah ghayme...PRACKTICE!"

Mr. Speaker said...

Yeah, I think we should leave the dildo talk at that and never speak of this again. Did Waddell lambaste Grossman publicly yet? That should happen next in this ridiculous melodrama soap opera, eh? Don't you think? HENNNNGGGGGHH?

GoPuckYourself said...

In other news, the C&C Blogging Factory thinks Kovy's going to the Sharks. READ WITH YOUR EYES:

http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/The_Grinder/entry/view/54436

FrenchCatalogues said...

It will be weird if Kovy does play against Washington. It's like watching a ghost out there. That last game had some bad bad vibes

Mortimer Peacock said...

Wahahaha "C&C Blogging Factory." The Sharks? That would be literally insane. And Custance is reliable...

Mr. Speaker said...

Is Custance THE "grinder"? What the hell does that mean?

The Sharks would really make this looney-tunes!! I'm all for it. Fuck this logical, equal value shit. I want comical drama.

Perhaps Heatley will get traded back and the curse of Upper Dildo will get shoved further up our collective rectum.

Mortimer Peacock said...

The curse of Upper Dildo is upon us all.

Mutton Sourdough said...

To Mortimer Peacock, Big Shooter, FrenchCatalogues, Mr. Speaker, whoever the Mole guy is, Go Puck Yourself, h, Jay, and any and all else who witnessed my heinous actions of introducing sanity to this wonderful discussion: I sincerely apologize, and offer this tidbit as recompense.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAyGeT310ak

Mortimer Peacock said...

Mutton, I think I love you. That's my favorite show of all time, hands down.