Monday, July 13, 2009

ESPN Hack Leaves No Howling Cliché Unused banality merchant Terry Frei apparently isn't bothered by the fact that he conforms to virtually every stereotype of the unthinking, well-paid mainstream hockey writer. They're really remarkable, these guys; I've always assumed (and assumed that every writer assumed) that the whole point of writing about anything--hockey, politics, wildlife, finance, exotic travel destinations, any subject of a good poem or novel--is to express some sort of curiosity about the world and some impulse to learn from observable reality in a fresh and interesting way.

This isn't the case for Terry Frei. He's resolute in his commitment to never learning anything beyond the over-used stock phrases, thought-clichés, and prejudices clogging his brain, ever.


- In his predictions of the final NHL Eastern Conference standings for next season, he has the Toronto Maple Leafs making the play-offs in the 8th spot.

- He relies on the "Who last won the Stanley Cup?" formula for his prediction of which team finishes 1st, a time-honored device for saving thought and coming to a conclusion without the trouble of gaining knowledge of the particulars of each team's situation.

- He has the Thrashers finishing DEAD LAST, because...

- I'm paraphrasing, but his argument is actually, "ZOMG Kovalchuk I cant think of another Trasherz playr, HAW THEY LOOSE>!" Notice his paragraph about the Thrashers is extremely short, shorter than every other paragraph. What can we infer from this?

- He uses the word "enigmatic" to describe Nik Antropov. Why doesn't Terry just go the whole hog and compose his entire article out of press clippings from pre-existing articles?

There is a comments section. Not sure if you can e-mail him. You know what to do.

UPDATE: Not that you asked, but my assessment is that the Thrashers are on par with the Buffalo Sabres and the Carolina Hurricanes. We'll probably be fighting both of them for the #8 spot at the end of the season. I'm reasonably sure that the Thrashers are better than the Islanders, the Lightning, the Senators, and the Maple Leafs, and very probably better than the Panthers now. 8th-10th, that's our range. We'll be wrangling with the Canes and the Sabres, possibly the Devils and/or Rangers as well, for the 8th spot.


FrenchCatalogues said...

His section was 3 1/2 lines shorter than the rest, lazy writing

jamestobrien said...

I agree, although I'm not exactly smitten with the Antropov signing to be honest.

Mortimer Peacock said...

I wouldn't say I'm smitten so much as pleased. He's what the Thrashers have always needed up front: a guy to stand in front of the net, use his size not necessarily to hit but to create space and hold on the puck, etc.

But perhaps he'll be a disaster and the Thrashers will reside in Loser Hell forever, the end.

jamestobrien said...

But perhaps he'll be a disaster and the Thrashers will reside in Loser Hell forever, the end. You might be on to something.

Jay said...

Eastern Conference next year:
1. Washington
2. Boston
3. Philadelphia
4. Pittsburgh
5. New Jersey
6. Carolina
7. Atlanta
8. NY Rangers
9. Montreal
10. Ottawa
11. Toronto
12. Tampa Bay
13. Buffalo
14. Florida
15. NY Islanders

Toronto on down is just going to be an ugly mess. Atlanta probably isn't going to the second round, but damnit, they'll win a playoff game!

I hate the writers for ESPN. You can tell they spend almost nothing on their hockey coverage. Hell, Burnside has used video from what looks like a Holiday Inn room with camera work straight from the Blair Witch project. They can't be taken seriously. Love me some TSN and Puck Daddy, though.

Anonymous said...

Good stuff as usual!