Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Hockey Clichés, Part 10,697

To: Dear People Who Write About the Hockey For a Living
CC: People Who Post Comments About the Hockey on the Internet

For the love of Lt. Colonel Jeebus, STOP USING THE WORD "ENIGMATIC" TO DESCRIBE EVERY SINGLE MOTHERFUCKING EUROPEAN PLAYER IN THE NHL.

It's bad enough that the word has become a handy stock phrase (is there really anything "enigmatic" about Pavel Datsyuk or Marian Hossa or Nik Antropov? I mean, REALLY. It's not like they're fucking Professor Moriarty or North Korea, for fuck's sake), but it seems that it's become so overused that a lot of people think it means a whole host of other shit that has nothing to do with being enigmatic or mysterious. I.e. people are so used to reading "enigmatic Russian" or "enigmatic European" that they seem to think it means "soft" or "finesse player" or simply European or Russian.

This madness has to end. Like, now.

3 comments:

FrenchCatalogues said...

It's like in music describing something as "sonic" or "moody." Lazy work is all. I find nothing enigmatic about most players. The Sedins are enigmatic because... well look at em. Weird shit right there.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Yeah, the Sedins are enigmatic because they're cyborgs from the Swedish future. Euro players in general, not so much.

Kovy, for instance. Not enigmatic. He's transparently a quiet but passionate guy who scores a ton of goals and has a family. It's not like he's some impenetrable mystery.

FrenchCatalogues said...

Slava Kozlov= Enigmatic: possibly is a secret agent, maybe killed many men, we know at least one, has an attractive wife, actually likes staying Atlanta, and is a wine connoisseur.