Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Chronicle Would Like to Announce
...that a state of war now exists between us and the moosefuckers who leave comments at TSN. Canuckle-draggers, when it comes to hockey, generally don't enjoy it when reality gets in the way of their cherished worldview. That's why you'll find factual, empirically accurate statements like "It's important to note that the Thrashers are tied to the naming rights deal with Philips for the arena" voted down to a -32 rating via that stupid TSN thumbs up/thumbs down feature. All those syrup-stained downward-pointing thumbs mean...what, exactly? Not that the statement isn't true, but that it's not true in their pre-existing, impervious-to-outside-facts worldview.
Because the Chronicle is a warblog, we encourage all of our readers (the war effort requires everyone's effort, after all) to invade TSN and bomb the shit out of it whenever they post an article about the Thrashers. Leave parody Canuckle-dragger comments singing the praises of the Winnipeg Jets and moosecock, remember to say something about Kovalchuk inevitably leaving the Thrashers before predicting a Leafs Stanley Cup in '10, etc.
You can start here. If your comments are obscene enough they'll get deleted, but that's okay. The point should be to make Canuckle-dragger self-congratulation impossible. To arms!
UPDATE: I feel I should make clear that our quarrel here is not with the polite, pretty, and healthy people of Canada. The Canuckle-dragger is a separate animal from Lord Beaverbrook, Pierre Trudeau, Glenn Gould, Adrienne Clarkson, John Candy, Jarome Iginla, Joe Thornton, Anne Carson, John Ralston Saul, and Danielle from West Edmonton (if you're reading please email me; we could be so happy...). The Canuckle-dragger is a braindead Canadian chauvinist, the sort that only appears among hockey fans (because what else are Canadians going to be obnoxious about?).