Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Starlets! Slash! Thrashers vs. Kings Liveblog! (For All You Nighthawks)


And the ice orgy at the Chateau Marmont begins! City of Raymond Chandler and James M. Cain, X and the Cramps, Kim Kardashian and Rob Kardashian...what does it offer, hockey-wise? And who is this "Drew Doughty" person?

We're also a-tweeting shit on the Twitter, in case you can't get enough shit.

ALSO: Special Agent J. Barty Party a.k.a Mr. Speaker a.k.a Smoothie is performing a vaudeville liveblog of his own. We're competing, see, just like Ryan Miller did in ancient Greece.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

1st Period

- Kings just cold walking out, like it's the home opener or something. Luc Robitaille, in his capacity as President of Kings Business or something along those lines, probably realized that there were a million unemployed set designers in L.A. who could build a fake castle door thing relatively cheaply. OMG HERE COMES SLASH.

- Slash doing the national anthem on his Les Paul. Less burning-through-your-synapses noisy than Hendrix, more wah-wah melodic.

- Some nice feedback at some point there.

- Razor Catch Prey: "Slash Anthem: A for guitar work. F for not removing his hat."

- Oh yeah, the game has started. You got two rookies centering each team's fourth line in this here game: Alex Burmstrov for the Thrashers and Brayden Schenn for the Kings.

- The pattern on Craig Ramsay's tie looks like an abstract version of the Thrashers logo.

- Thrashers power play! Will anything happen?

- "Will notorious Armenian Zach Bogosian do something spectacular on Armenian Night?" the masses wonder.

- This Thrashers power play has been balls, like all of our power play efforts this season. Still early, though. Obviously.

- The freaking power play is on "NHL On the Fly" as we speak but not on the Game Center channel thingy. Mad. Time delay? PENALTY ON THRASHERS.

- Yeah, totally just saw this on NHL Network. This computer feed is living in the past.

- Bergfors to the box. Kings announcer says something about a "reacharound."

-Kings power play does nothing. Thrashers on another power play. SO MANY POWER PLAYS.

- Aaaaand no more power play. This game is...what do the kids call it? "Chippy." Lots of power playing, no scoring so far.

- Kane with a powerful shot that doesn't go in. WHERE ARE THE KARDASHIANS?

- Jack Johnson just charged through like ten men on his way to the slot, only to pass the puck directly to Bryan Little. Little then took off on a breakaway and scored. NO, NOT REALLY. Nothing happened.

- FIRST PERIOD OVER.

- I guess this is entertaining. Far too lacking in swimming pool nymphets and people driving motorcycles through hotel rooms. I mean, IS THIS L.A. OR IS IT NOT? Sigh. Everything is dull now. Even L.A. is just juice bars and horrid yuppies.

- We like this "Heidi" person interviewing Willie Mitchell.

2nd Period

- CHRIS THORBURN SCORES. Clearly it's time I revise my opinion of this man. We now have to rely on our fourth line forever.

- I'm going to have to replace Anze Kopitar with Chris Thorburn on my fantasy team.

- This is absolutely nuts. The Thrashers are actually doing the "stick in lane" thing and breaking up Really Good chances by Kopitar et al.

- Chris Mason is solid. The Kings aren't getting anything by him.

- It's midnight. Let's have a midnight song.


- They keep showing the Kings-Thrashers game on NHL On the Fly. Normal teevee is so delayed. Thrashers on power play NOW.

- Goddamn Evander Kane nearly ripped Drew Doughty's head off after hitting him normally. Penalty on Thrashers. EDGY.

- 2nd period over. Kings will start it on the power play, I believe.

Ha. Ha. Don't leave us HANGING, now.


Good lord my live-blogging has gotten banal.

- SHOW US YOUR TATTOO HEIDI.

- Oh hey the Chilean miners are emerging. Hooray! Why is Bob McKenzie tweeting about that instead of this dull Kings-Thrashers game?

3rd Period

- Is there any way the Thrashers could win this game with a bit more give-and-take goal-scoring? This has been painfully uninteresting so far. Aside from the carnival sideshow sight of Chris Thorburn scoring his second goal in as many games.

- SPEAKING OF THE WORD "UNINTERESTING," why the fuck do so many people use the word "disinterested" as if it means the same thing as "uninterested?" It doesn't. And disinterestedness is too valuable a concept to have confused with being bored or uninterested. Disinterestedness is one of the highest achievements of human civilization. Uninterestedness just means being bored. And "disinteresting" isn't even a fucking word.

- Ryan fucking Smyth. The kind of close-range goal in which he specializes.

- Well fuck me. The Kings are ahead 2-1. Jarret Stoll. OK THRASH, LET'S MAKE THIS INTERESTING.

- What wicked magic does Chris Thorburn have up his sleeve now?

- The things a player will do to prevent a goal by Chris Thorburn...penalty on Kings, Thrash on the power play. Will they finally do something?

-Power play still ain't no good.

- Little and Bergfors just had a lovely 2-on-1 breakaway. Nothing happened.

- I get the feeling that Bergfors is either scheduled for a sophomore slump or is simply not that keen on playing for the Thrashers. Possibly both.

- Ryan Smyth into the empty net, the end.

5 comments:

j_barty_party said...

I am falling in love with GameCenter Live thanks to this Mac Book Pro, awww shit son! Kings castle entrance door is pretty dope, wouldn't you say? Medieval and shit.

Mortimer Peacock said...

Yeah, it is pretty cool. I think Luc Robitaille is spending all kinds of money on Hollywood this and that.

j_barty_party said...

Good Lord we look awful tonite!! Thank goodness Mason seems sharp. This so-called PP is a farce! Ooo, Kane with a good chance!

j_barty_party said...

Don't know how we outshot the Kings in the first period, but whatevs...time for Zach's eyebrows to step up in a big way!

This game has a very medieval feel to it indeed!

j_barty_party said...

That high-wire is RAM TOUGH!!